I spent a lot of time alone with Grant wondering how we would survive and what would become of us. But I never felt alone or empty because I always had Grant. There was a huge comfort in this, I guess because the love a child gives is so innocent and true, and the love you feel for your child is so massive and unexplainable. We had each other and we weren't scared.
Now, kindergarten is approaching, we have more than we have ever needed, comfort, security, love, but here I am terrified that I haven't explained every single thing to him about going to school, strangers, friends, grades, studying, responsibility........! What if he is the last one picked for kickball, what if he waits too long to ask to use the restroom? What if...... These thoughts go through my head as the first day of school approaches and I get into panic mode and start preaching to him whenever we are alone. He basically rolls his eyes at me and says, "What are you talking about?"
I guess I don't really know because I seem to be the only one afraid and the thought that he won't need me holding his hand at school all day is making me crazy! We've always been there to do everything together. All of life's biggest moments have been shared hand and hand and all I get to do is watch him get on the school bus. NOT FAIR!!
So as for now I am not choosing to drop my preschool mentality just yet, and I will kick and scream the whole morning when he leaves me for the first time, and then I will be fine. He will come home from school and I'll ask him how it was and he'll say "fine" and turn on the television and tell me to stop asking so many questions.
Bring on the Kleenex!
